image. Idrees Naghina Wala
There is a lot of processes ceremonial in Pakistani traditional wedding but in short, we can divide Pakistani wedding into 4 parts; Engagement, Mehndi Night, Nikah, and Valima / Reception. Traditional Pakistani wedding costs a lot especially for the food because they will invite so many people, hundreds or maybe thousands of guest. Most Pakistani families also don't hesitate to take a loan only for the wedding if they lack money. Marriage in Pakistan usually is arranged marriage.
Engagement
"Most of Pakistani men will engage with their female cousins"
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Ancient Indian culture has baby engagement and child marriage. Even though child marriage barely happens in Pakistan, the engagement to the children at a very young age still often happens in Pakistan. Most Pakistani men will engage with their female cousins who are around their age, although plenty of Pakistanis also engages with the girls who come from other families. Breaking the engagement has never been a positive thing in Pakistan and India. The chance to break the engagement is very less, it needs time and a lot of energy to deliberate between two families in order to cancel the engagement that has already been arranged. So, never think to get married to a Pakistani man who is already engaged. The case mostly already happened to the women who married to engaged Pakistani man, they were stuck in polygamous marriage due to the Pakistani man still married his Pakistani fiancee.
The engagement could be held 6 months before the wedding or maybe a year before, but most Pakistani family, they don't want to wait too long for the wedding. They prefer to hold the wedding as soon as possible since the engagement day. For the children who have already been engaged since they were young, the parents adjourn the wedding and it will be held when the children are already mature enough to do marriage. The duration of the wedding ceremony normally is 3 days or a week.
Mehndi Night
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Mehndi Night is a nightly ritual before the wedding day, usually, Mehndi Night is held one day before the wedding, but sometimes it's held a few days before the wedding. The night is full of cheers and of course "Mehndi". In a traditional wedding, the female side ( sisters and friends ) will draw the mehndi design by henna paste on the bride's hands and legs, but since the time passed by, the bride prefers using mehndi artist to draw the design.
In traditional Mehndi Night, the bride will wear a yellow dress and jewelry made of marigold flowers. They also use real flowers to decorate the place. Everybody will dance, play music and sing. Most people also called Mehndi Night "Dholki Ceremonial" due to the people singing and playing the instrument "Dholki" during the Mehndi Night.
Nikah
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Nikah in Islam is the marriage legal contract under sharia (Islamic law) and the marriage contract is performed in front of the Imam. The requirements to do nikah are :
1. Bride and groom
2. Wali from the bride's side
3. Mahr (the dowry from the groom to the bride)
4. Two witnesses
In a traditional Pakistani wedding, the groom wears sherwani ( long coat top ) or kurta and the bride wears a red dress or most people call it "The Red Wedding", which has 3 pieces of dress; lahenga ( skirt ), long kurti ( top ) and dupatta ( long garment ). The bride can meet the groom after the Nikah process is completed. Pakistani traditional wedding also has Rukhsati tradition where the bride leaves her family to follow the husband while walking under the Qur'an ( Islam holy book ).
Valima
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Valima is the reception of the wedding when the guests are invited by the newlywed couple. In a modern Pakistani wedding, the groom wears a suit and the bride wears a modern gown or traditional lahenga in soft color. If the wedding is held for 2 days, then the Valima will be held on the same day with the Nikah.
Jahez is a dowry that is given by the bride's side to the groom's family, it's Indian and Pakistani culture and nothing related to Islam. In India the forms of dowry are gold, silver, and money; but in Pakistan the form of dowry (jahez) is mostly furniture to fill the house like a couch, kitchen utensils, fridge, and many more. For some Pakistani families, the more expensive the jahez is more good ---- the bride will have more value in the husband's family.
One of Jahez ads in Pakistan
Actually, unlike in India where dowry from the bride is a must, jahez in Pakistan is not compulsory, but this has already become Pakistani tradition for ages. Therefore, if you don't bring jahez most people will talk about you. What has happened in some cases ( not all ), the mother in law will give more attention to the daughter in law who bring expensive jehez and if the bride doesn't bring the jahez, it will be an issue among family members especially for the female family members. It's really important to find out about the family history according to jahez. Is the jahez really matter for the family or not? and If the mother in law and sister in law brought jahez when they got married then, most of them will expect the new bride to bring the jahez too although they don't say it directly. In our community stories, some of the Pakistani families don't have any problem when the foreign brides didn't bring jahez, but there are a lot of stories too when it became a problem for the Pakistani family.
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"We have some cases in our community when the marriage ended
because the bride didn't bring jahez."
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As the root of jahez is from Indian dowry tradition, the jahez itself does not belong to the bride's personal use. The family members can use the form of jahez too, especially when the bride lives in joint family. Nevertheless, in some modern Pakistani families, the bride can take her jahez back when she moves out or divorce but in other Pakistani families, they don't let the bride take the jahez back. It depends on how modern the family is in terms of leaving the dowry tradition.
Mahr is an Islamic dowry, it's given to the bride by the groom. This is one of the requirements to do nikah. Mahr is completely different from Jahez. The forms of mahr mostly are money, gold, and property. The bride can ask the amount of her Mahr and the man can reject the amount of the Mahr if he can't afford it. Haggling and bargaining the amount of Mahr are possible too. The marriage can be canceled if the two-party don't reach an agreement on the amount of Mahr. In Islamic teaching, the good Muslim women will not demand expensive Mahr that most of the man can't afford it. The reasonable Mahr, which will not become a burden for the groom's side is the best Mahr to be asked. If one day, the wife wants to take a divorce/Khula. The bride needs to give back the Mahr in front of the Imam and two witnesses, then the husband needs to give her talaq (divorce).
"ISLAMIC MARRIAGE"
A Muslim man can marry Jew, Christian, and Muslim woman, but he cannot marry a woman from other religions than those religions that already mentioned, he also cannot marry an atheist or an agnostic woman. So, if you are a Hindu woman or you don't have any religion, thus according to Islamic law, you cannot marry your Pakistani man if your Pakistani man is a Muslim.
This law is different for a Muslim woman. A Muslim woman only can marry a Muslim man, therefore, if a non-Muslim man wants to marry a Muslim woman, he has to convert first. Pakistan is an Islamic republic country and the country uses Islamic law. Any interfaith marriage in Pakistan which against Islamic law is considered invalid and cannot be registered under Pakistan law.
The requirements for an Islamic marriage contract :
The groom
The bride
The wali of the bride
Mahr
Two male witnesses
Imam or Marriage celebrant ( no. 6 is not compulsory, it doesn't make the marriage invalid in Islam )
In Pakistan, when you get married under Islamic (sharia) law, you will get "Nikkah Nama Letter", and you can use this letter to register your marriage in NADRA ( National Database and Registration Authority -- Pakistan civil database ), after registering to NADRA you will get "Marriage Certificate".
The couple who don't register their marriage in NADRA, are not registered as married couples, and their status in NADRA database is still single. So it's very important to register the marriage to NADRA to change the status in NADRA database. However, not registering the marriage to NADRA doesn't make the marriage invalid. Only with Nikkah Nama Letter, the couple can take legal action at family court about marriage and family disputes.
IMPORTANT :
It's important to understand all questions and clausal in Nikkah Nama Letter, the bride also needs to put a clausal in Nikkah Nama Letter that she can get a divorce without giving up his mahr when she asks for it if she doesn’t want to lose her mahr.
Download the sample of marriage documents here :
"Marrying Pakistan Military and Government Officer"
Based on Pakistan marriage law for military and government officers, marrying foreign nationals is misconduct, except Indian nationals. In some cases, they can marry with a permission letter from their departments.
Download the PDF of the marriage law here :
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