I met Mohamad on Facebook and I fell in love during our first date. I felt he was the answer to my night prayer, Tahajjud. He was just what I wanted in a partner, a strong character, a leader, and smart. He said that he was divorced from a local Malaysian with utterly Islamic divorce, talaq, a few months before we meet. They had a daughter. The legal divorce was still pending as they both were busy at work and kept missed the court hearing 3 times. I was worried but he assured me that this would resolve very soon. The first two months were the love-bombing phase.
His usual words,
“I will always treat you like a Queen,
you will never find another man who can treat you better”.
He picked me up from the office every day, opened the car door, fed me with his own hands, and paid attention to every single detail about me. He displayed himself as successful when he was working abroad with royalties, drove expensive cars, had lots of property in Pakistan while established his own IT business for 20 years in few countries. After all the hustle he went through, he now just wanted a simple life in Malaysia. Mohamad went all the way to make me feel so special and he shared everything about his past, and how much he wanted to move forward with a simple life with me. He came from an abusive family where his dad was a dictator, sold all his properties in Pakistan, the car he bought for the car renting business, forced him to give all his money. He also had 3 adopted kids in Pakistan, taken care of by a nanny and he provided financial support to them. Whenever Mohamad told me about his family, he sounded frustrated as his effort was never appreciated. I felt pity for what we went through and I wanted to give him a better life.
After 2 months of being together, his next court hearing for legal divorce was coming up and he promised to settle everything completely. Unfortunately, his ex-wife declared in court that she was raped during an international business trip and now being pregnant. Based on law, legal divorce can only happen after giving birth, although it was not Mohamad’s child. From this moment onwards, my relationship became more tensed, I kept doubting whether he really had a talaq (utterly) divorce earlier, whether she was actually pregnant with his own child, his family’s abusive behavior, and his successful life overseas. I felt he was hallucinating those stories and kept my emotions up & down, coming up with new drama every day. Mohamad shared about all the girls who were crazy for him. One of them was his clients, she kept sending him food deliveries, clothes, shoes, household items. Though he was annoyed with her, he still entertained her. Every time I felt as if he was cheating, he answered me instantaneously without a blink. Most of the time, he sounded very convincing though it didn’t make sense at all. I trusted him again but a few days later, I begin to doubt again and the same cycle repeats throughout the relationship.
Every time we fight, I kept receiving text messages from his “ex-wife”, “sister” and “admirer” saying good things about him, how lucky I was to be his partner, and persuaded me to reconcile. From the tone of those text messages, it sounded exactly like him so I was 100% sure it was him creating fake Facebook accounts. I tried calling those numbers but was rejected with many excuses. After multiple fights, he did not allow me to pick him up in front of the house door anymore and he’ll wait at the guardhouse. He rejected most of my calls and didn’t come to see me every day anymore. My instinct told me that he was still married and he was living with his Malaysian wife.
During our fights, Mohamad had a habit to dump me and he would come back after few days saying he was just threatening me so that I bend down. After his ex-wife gave birth and his legal divorce was completed, he refused to share the evidence by saying I should trust him completely. I begged him to help me with my uneasy feelings, I really wanted to trust him but the blame is back on me to be paranoid and petty. I performed istikharah consistently and our relationship worsens, till my mom advised me to re-evaluate our relationship as she felt Mohamad was still married to the Malaysian wife, the baby was his, also married to a Pakistani woman whom he called as a Nanny, and 3 adopted children in Pakistan was his own.
I kept convincing myself he was not lying as I did not have any evidence or any trace of his background. I have never met any of his family members or even had a call, though he said he told them about our marriage plans. Every time he wanted to bring me to meet mom, there will be drama such as mom was hospitalized, sister tried to commit suicide and dad wanted to kill sister. I rejected his proposal to get married overseas as the documentation in Malaysia is a hassle. He also used to say his ex-wife helped him with car loans, house loans, and personal loans whenever his business needed urgent money and he expected me to do the same. I refused because there should be a permanent solution by sourcing for a business loan as his company has been running for 20 years. However, I invested RM 10,000 in his business with a return of 2% per month.
After many months, I realized I was not being myself anymore.
I spent most of my time wondering if Mohamad was sincere with me, he dumped me 6 times over 10 months. Finally, I confessed that since I was unable to trust him, I felt suspicious about his stories, I was drained and since he did not cooperate to help me with to build the trust, I have decided to end this relationship. He threatened to suicide the same night. The next day, he pretended to be his ex-wife and texted me accused of being a murderer. Mohamad called me crying on the hospital bed and refused when I offered to take care of him in the hospital. I checked with the hospital admission, his name was not there. While this strategy didn’t work, he said his mom passed away and her body was repatriated to Pakistan within 24 hours. I offered to be a good support to him, but I couldn’t remain as a partner. Then more drama came in. Next week, his dad passed away due to a motor accident. A subsequent week, his daughter passed away due to a car accident. The next day, his ex-wife passed away as she was so depressed of daughter’s death. I did an investigation at the mosque, graveyard, get my friend to call his ex-wife, and found out both his daughter and ex-wife were still alive. I was not sure about his mom and dad as they were both in Pakistan. At this moment, I confirmed that all this while, my inner voice about him was right. After all these tactics failed, he threatened to bring down my life if I do not want to marry him.
He said he spent RM 39,000 on my meals within 10 months
and forced me to pay RM 18,000, and return the two rings he gave.
The amount was extremely high, definitely, we didn’t eat that much but in order to close this chapter, I couriered the two rings and willing to let go of RM 10,000 I invested in his business. He still wasn’t happy and forced me to pay the balance of RM 8,000. He created multiple fake accounts of my pictures and personal details on multiple dating sites, fake Facebook, fake Instagram, fake email addresses. He described me as a party-goer and put my phone number on the front page. I received many phone and video calls from strangers. He even shared his live location in front of my house and forced me to return RM 8,000. He texted my dad to smear me and ask to return his money spent on my food. He texted my sister and my best friend to accuse me of sleeping around. He even created a fake WhatsApp conversation where I admitted to sleeping with nine guys. At that moment, I couldn’t imagine how a person whom we used to love and respect could behave this way. He prays a lot and he should know smear and slander is one of the highest sins. Since the prayers of people being slandered have no limits, I prayed that he stop these sinful doings, take care of his family, not sure who is alive and who is not, and just be sincere in his future partner, not sure if he is still married. Eventually, he stopped though from time to time, he still created fake accounts. Well, at least I know he is still alive.
It has been months since the breakup and I still do not have any answer on what was his actual intention with me, residency, money, second or third wife? what’s the truth about his ex-wife, nanny, and family?
All I can say is,
suspicion is a red flag.
You feel it in your gut,
you just know!
But he said you are wrong, paranoid, insecure, that you have no proof. If something seems off, please don’t ignore it. Your instinct is you, guardian angels, they will tell you even before you realize it yourself. Please love yourself enough to know when to walk away, guard your energy, peace is more important and it’s always better late than never.