My marriage was arranged by my family. I never mind about arrange marriage due to I grew up in Muslim family. My father is Australian – Pakistani, he used to study in Australia before and he married to Australian Muslim. One day, my father traveled to his hometown in Pakistan with my mother and came back with the marriage news for me.
My father told me that he found a good Pakistani guy when he was there by family reference. This person is not rich but he comes from good family in Pakistan. Although, I am a Muslim, I don’t want to marry someone whom I don’t like and my father supports me for that, thus My father told me that I could contact this guy before I decided to marry him or not. When the first time I saw his picture, I liked the way he looked, so I agreed to contact him and have conversation with him by phone and online.
Time passed by, and we were getting closer each other. I did not have any problem to marry him, and then my family and I flew to Pakistan to hold my wedding. I was so nervous because I never met him in person before, we only talked by online. Actually I wanted to meet him before my wedding day, but my Pakistani family said to me better to hold the meeting until the day of my Mehndi. I had traditional Pakistani wedding with Mehndi night, Shaadi and Valima. It was very colorful, fun and tiring. All my family members who live in Pakistan came over to my wedding, sadly I could not invite my Australian friends due to the Pakistani visa. When the wedding ceremony was over, I spent my very short honeymoon with him in Kashmir, I never been to Kashmir before, so It was my first time.
"During our honeymoon,
everything was going well, I could get along with him quickly.
He was very understanding man and was caring."
Unfortunately, I could not spend much time with my husband because I needed to go back to Australia and take care of the documents to bring him, so he could stay with me in Australia. Using the lawyer’s service made the process easier for me. We lived in my father’s house for few months until my husband found a job. He has engineering degree but it was very difficult to find a professional job in Australia for him. Therefore, he decided to apply for casual job as long as he could earn some money.
My family always asked me, when I would have a baby, but my husband thought it was not a good idea in our situation at that time. He hoped that my family and I could wait for few years later. I totally agreed with him, so we would wait until our economy situation getting better. After 3 years of marriage, I did not see our economy condition would be better as we always lacked of money. He worked so hard and earned enough money but no matter how much money he sent to his family in Pakistan it never enough. Consequently, I needed to use my salary to pay the household bills and the credit of our house. In the end of the month, almost nothing left for me. It bother me a lot, because I wanted to build a family and my parents have asked a baby to me so many time. Whenever I talked to him about this, he always said to me that I had to understand his situation. He is the only son in his family, and he has a widow sister who needs to be feed. He said that he needed more time to get a better job with better salary. I completely understand his situation, and I agreed to wait for few years more.
"Actually, our marriage had a lot of issue about
having a baby and money."
I also had a problem when he wanted to go to Pakistan to meet his mother because it would increase our expenses and drain our saving while I wanted to have my own children so badly. I could not stop him, as I know he is really close to his mother. After 7 years of waiting, my father talked to him about our having children issue and eventually, he agreed to start a family with me. A year later, I gave a birth to a baby boy. I was blessed and was so happy, but unfortunately, it did not last long. I came to know that my husband also has a wife and children in Pakistan. It broke my heart. He said to me that it was beyond his control because the mother asked him to marry that woman. His family needed someone to take care of the family in Pakistan because of I wasn’t living in Pakistan, so I couldn’t take care of his family. I did not trust what he said to me, I assumed he was telling me another lie. His children in Pakistan already grew up, the eldest one maybe around 7 to 10 years old. I suspected he had married that woman before he married me. At that day, I called my Pakistani friends to pick me up. I needed time to clear up my mind.
Indeed, at that moment, I really wanted to take a divorce, but all of my Pakistani friends reminded me that taking a divorce is not good thing in Pakistani society. Marriage is sacred, so I should not do that. My Pakistani aunt also called me to stop me for doing that. She said that I should have more patient; the Pakistani wife was in Pakistan so she would not bother my life in Australia. I was so fragile and I did not know what I should do. My Australian mother did not stop me as long as it was the best for me, but my Pakistani father did not think that divorce is the best way as I have a newborn baby.
After few weeks, the both families reached an agreement to reunite us. I came back to my house and started my life as usual. I know it is not easy for me to come back, but it will not be easy for me to separate with him as I already emotionally attached to him and have a baby.
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