Zahra is my Islamic name. I converted to Islam before I met my husband, Muhib. We met in The United State of America where I live in through Muslim dating website. Muhib is a Pakistani-American, he has dual nationality and has been living in US for 12 years. His ex-Pakistani-American wife brought him to US. It was arranged marriage, and he was married to his cousin. The marriage did not work well and his ex-wife asked for a divorce. I believe Muhib is the right man for me, we decided to get married in the mosque under sharia law. We had plan to register our marriage too, but we adjourned it because his mother disagree with our marriage plan. Muhib said that his mother already chose a Pakistani girl for him, his mother really likes this girl and she is still his family’s relative. The mother engaged him to her, but he does not love her and he would talk to his mother about this.
"Muslim man has right to marry anyone whom he wants
without permission from his mother."
I understand, Muhib’s life is not easy. The mother is a widow and Muhib is the eldest son in his family, everybody relies on him. Muhib and I love each other; therefore, we decided to get married although the mother does not bless our marriage. I do not see anything wrong with our marriage, Muhib is a Muslim man, he has right to marry anyone he wants without permission from his mother. After the wedding, Muhib moved to my house. I had a happy marriage life with him, until one day the mother asked him to visit her in Pakistan, I told him that I wanted to go with him, but he thought it was not a good idea, as the mother still cannot accept me. Muhib only wanted to protect me so I did not get hurt.
A week before his departure, Muhib bought many souvenirs to his family members; he spent more than $2000 only for souvenirs, which surprised me a lot. I said to him that living in US was not cheap, he also sent the money regularly to his family in Pakistan, and so he should not have spent that much money only for souvenirs. He agreed with me but he could not do anything, it is Pakistani culture. People will talk if he did not bring anything to Pakistan while he was earning dollars in US. I felt bad for Muhib, at that point, I realized that his family was so demanding.
He traveled to Pakistan for a month, in the first few days I could not contact him and neither did he. I was so worried. I had been waiting for his call and I sent him some messages too until one day he called me back. He told me that his family situation was not good and he would explain to me when he came back. I was frustrated; I did not know what kind of situation that we would face.
When he came back from Pakistan, he told me his situation. He said that his mother could not cancel the engagement and he needed to marry that girl. I was so upset; I could not say anything. I was hoping that the good thing would come to our marriage and the mother would not force him to marry that girl. I said to Muhib that he had to reject the marriage plan and he convinced me that he would do his best, but what happened later did not show any progress to break the marriage plan.
I heard Muhib always had argument on the phone, whenever he called his mother. However, he never said to me that the marriage would be canceled, which made me sure that the marriage would be held soon. I did not want to see Muhib was in trouble, but in the other hand, I did not want to be in polygamous marriage life neither. Finally, I tried to contact Muhib’s brother. I explained my situation and I hoped he would understand, but it turned out to be useless. He wrote to me that the mother never bless my marriage and she cursed me a lot for bringing bad influence and trouble to her family. They were a happy family before I came, and the brother said that I was a widow woman with kids so I did not deserve to be with his brother, Muhib.
"I lost my hope to keep my marriage,
but I realized that I could not leave my husband."
I love him so much and so does he. I tried to soften my ego and talked to him to find out his plan. I told him that I did not want to be in the same house with the Pakistani girl since he said that he would bring that girl to US, and he granted my wish. Six months later, Muhib flew to Pakistan for his wedding. I was devastated; the thing that could cheer me up was the good deeds that I would get for accepting the second wife genuinely. Insya Allah.
It needs time and so many process to bring the girl to US. For right now, I do not want to think about what will happen later, I am trying to enjoy my time with Muhib before the second wife come and I always hope Muhib can treat us equally.