Hello ! I am an American-Greek woman recently married to a wonderful Pakistani man and we live in California. I've experienced a few incidents from his mom that have left me wondering whether my feelings about them are valid or whether there are some cultural nuances that are leading to miscommunication.
I would like your advice on whether the following is "normal" within Pakistani culture. By way of context, I converted long before meeting my husband, and his family never opposed our marriage nor have they expressed disliking me before. My in-laws live in another state - we traveled there to visit them for eid (our first eid as newlyweds). Once we arrived, my mother in law (MIL) showed us where we would be sleeping: in a room normally used as an office by the garage. It was a very cold and it did not have a bed or air matrress - instead, my MIL stacked blankets on the floor for us to sleep on. My in laws are not poor, and they live in a 4 bedroom home - the main guest bedroom was given to my sister in law since she has 2 children, and the remainder of the rooms belong to my (single) siblings-in-law.
I suffered from pretty bad back and knee pain since the room was so cold already, and sleeping so close to the hardwood floor made it even colder. I told my MIL how about pains and she simply (sympathetically) offered to run me a warm bath. That visit left me feeling very hurt and confused. In both Greek and American culture, making a guest sleep on the floor is extremely rude. My husband thinks that the house was simply full due to eid and his mom did her best. But i can't help but wonder why she thought it was acceptable to host a new bride on her first eid on the floor - without even trying to make efforts like purchasing an air mattress, or asking one of the siblings to give up their room for the couch. I can't help but feel that my mother in law was trying to send me a message or perhaps she does not like me. She is not too traditional and very well educated if that helps provide further context.
My question is: is this normal in Pakistani culture ? Is it a rude thing to do to make a guest sleep on the floor in your home ? Any advice or perspective would be so much appreciated!
Hai, my husband is a Pakistani.
Sorry to say but I'm going to say it straight to the point.
You are not a guest!
When you marry Pakistan man, you marry all of his family members, so when you show up for visiting or special occasions you will not be treated as a guest.
You should be glad that your mother in law just made you sleeping on the floor instead of washing all the dishes, cooking and cleaning the house when you were there for holiday, because as Pakistani daughter in law that is your job.