#1 - Stop dreaming about your future before you learn Pakistani culture deeply
Besides your intention to marry or have future with your Pakistani man. As foreigner we always suggest to learn about Pakistani culture as much as you can first and after that re-think about it. Pakistani men are known for their caring personality and sweet words, so don’t fall in love to them easily without using your logic.
Pakistani culture is complex, and if you cannot accept and adjust it will be a big problem for you in the future. Especially if you cannot get along with your Pakistani man’s family and if you don’t want to live in Pakistan.
To find out more about Pakistani culture, you can read it here, and to read the inspirational stories of married laddies who have complex marriage problem so you can learn from them, you can read it here.
#2 - Relationship in western style ( mostly ) doesn’t work
Don’t have intimate relationship with a Pakistani man is a better way. Western relationship such as living together in the same roof, having intimate relationship for many years, mostly is not working for a Pakistani man. Their culture is still conservative even 80% of Pakistani get married by arrange marriage, around 60% of Pakistani in Pakistan married to their cousins, and 80% of Pakistani Community in the UK married to their Pakistani cousin by arrange marriage. There are many cases in our community too when the women lived together with their Pakistani boyfriends for many years but these boyfriends ended up marrying a Pakistani women in Pakistan behind their back.
Furthermore, a child born out of wedlock and pregnant outside the marriage are huge disgrace in Pakistan so what mostly happened these men will ask to abort the baby instead of marrying the pregnant women. In our community we have many cases like this, when the women were left by their Pakistani men when they got pregnant outside the marriage, and they asked them to abort the baby. If you are lucky, this man will marry you and cover up the pregnancy in front of his Pakistani family but this case is very rare happened unless this man wants something from you such as visa or green card.
Having cyber sex and giving private picture and video are also not a good option because there are many cases when the men spread the private video and picture of the women to internet and social media. These men can use your private picture and video to scam or black mail you. As woman we should be more cautious about this.
#3 - Test him — Ask him to Introduce you to his mother
If you think that you are so important for your Pakistani man because he introduces you to his friends and male cousins, then you are mistaken. When a Pakistani man has serious relationship with you and he wants to marry you, he will introduces you to his Pakistani mother, and sisters. He will ask his mother’s permission and opinion to marry you.
When you marry a Pakistani man you don't only marry him but also you marry his family because Pakistan has joint family system so what family says is important and they will interfere your marriage life.
If this Pakistani man gives you many excuses when you ask him to introduce you to his mother, then he is not serious at all to you, he also may has fiance or wife in Pakistan too. Don't think too long to ask him about this, because boyfriend and girlfriend relationship is not Pakistani culture. So if you have relationship with a Pakistani man you should think in conservative way especially if you are falling in love with this man. Ask him to introduce you to his mother and immediate family members and don’t wait too long for “a perfect time” to ask about this matter because the perfect time is “as fast as possible”.
#4 - If he says that my family knows about you, don’t trust him easily
The only way to know that his family knows about you is by making his family talk to you in person or by video call. Make sure if you have intention to marry your Pakistani man that his family knows about you as their future daughter in law. At this moment, you will not have casual and light conversation with them, they will ask you many serious things especially about your family background and marriage.
#5 - Most of them they talk too high, so always ask for the proof
They can say to you that he has Australian passport but actually he is a refugee / asylum seeker, he can say to you that he owns a business but actually he is just a worker, he can tell you that he is a single but actually he is married. Therefore, don't trust them blindly always ask for proof when they say something to you.
#6 - Don’t trust a group of Pakistani man easily
Pakistani male friends have really strong bond, they are willing to back up each other although these people have to lie to cover their Pakistani mate. Finding a sincere Pakistani man to you in this male group is not an easy thing. Don't trust easily if one of your Pakistani man's friend gives testimony to you to back up this man's story in order to make you trust your Pakistani man. If these friends have conflict, then they can open all of the secrets but if they are fine then they will back up each other.
Don't get too close to your Pakistani man's friends too because it's not a Pakistani culture, a good woman will hang out with woman not a group of men.
#7 - Make sure your Pakistani man is truly single
Many Pakistani men lie about their status in order to get man pleasure ( sex ) or visa, so don't trust them easily when they say to you he is single but he is already mature ( around 25 to over 30 ).
We have to say to you that it’s difficult to investigate your Pakistani man in Pakistan, especially if you don’t have contact with his family, and if the intention of this Pakistani man to marry you is to get Visa / Permanent Resident of developed country.
If the intention to get visa, these people are willing to do anything, all the family members even can lie to you too to cover up their son background as long as he can marry you and can get visa.
Furthermore, many marriages in Pakistan are only under religion law so the government doesn't have the marriage record. Therefore this man can show to you his ID card or government letter which says that he is single but actually he is married. The best way to find out is by observing your Pakistani man longer, ask him to introduce you to his family and don't put your emotional feeling to him no matter how sweet he is to you so your brain can work properly.
If he is beyond 30 and from small city or village he is probably 90% married in Pakistan. If he lives in big city like Islamabad, Karachi, or Lahore then he can be single, but mostly already engaged.
If he says to you he is divorced then ask for the divorce paper. If he never introduced you to his mother, and father, it means he doesn’t have intention to marry you. If he asks you to marry him without introducing you to his parents, it means you will end up as a secret wife. Maybe he wants to use you only for man’s pleasure, visa, or money.
Having intimate relationship and no matter how many times this man says that he loves you it doesn't mean he will marry you genuinely. He can use you only for man pleasure or only for visa, be careful!
#8 - Don't open all of your secret, family's secret, and your sins to them
If your mother lives together with his boyfriend and they are not married, keep this to your own. If you love partying all time and have slept with many men, keep this to your own. Your sins and secret can be used by them as their weapon. When you have a fight or issue with them mostly they will mock and humiliate you by using all your sins.
If you think what you did is not suit to Pakistani culture then keep it to yourself, if you have inappropriate pictures that not suit with Pakistani culture then hide those pictures and keep it for yourself. There are some things that you can share with your Pakistani man and his family but there are other things that you don't have to share with them, be smart for your own good in the future!
#9 - If you are a single mother or a widow and older than him, you should re-think again and again!
A single mother, a mature woman (older than him), and a young women with self esteem issue are the perfect target. Most of Pakistani men with “special” intention, they will chase for this criteria because it’s the easiest target for them to get.
Read more about widow/divorced status in Pakistan this here.
#10 - If your Pakistani man is engaged or her mother has arranged his marriage then you should move on
Breaking the engagement in Pakistan and India is not as simple as you think. Engagement is a very serious thing especially for the women's reputation. The women can loose their good reputation if their fiances break the engagement.
There is possibility to break the engagement but it should come from two families, so it doesn't mean the family will break the engagement only because their son wants to marry you or because you beg them to break the engagement. If you insist to marry your Pakistani man although this man is engaged, then you may end up in polygamous marriage because most of the time this man will marry his fiance.
#11 - If Pakistani mother doesn’t like you, be ready for more drama
Most of Pakistani mothers prefer having a Pakistani daughter in law because Pakistani people are the people in the box, they don't want to get out of their comfort box to face something different, less adjustment is better for them to make the marriage works, and to make the family system works well. Besides that, most of Muslim mothers around the world prefer having a Muslim daughter in law, it's because the role of a mother to rise the children is very significant in Islam. In Islam the parents have responsibility to encourage their children to be a good Muslim, therefore, having pious Muslim children and grandchildren is very important for Muslim family as it can be their ticket to heaven. So, if you are not a Pakistani and not a Muslim too, to get bless from the family is not gonna be easy if this family has genuine intention to you ( not for money, visa or green card matter ).
The bless of Pakistani mother is necessary, if she doesn’t like you and doesn’t bless your relationship better you find another man. Never think to do run marriage. Pakistani system is about family, the family will interfere the marriage life and most Pakistani men attach to their mothers so mostly they will listen what their mother say. Make sure all of his family members especially the mother and female family members can accept you completely otherwise they can make your life hard and full of drama.
#12 - If you are not a Muslim and your Pakistani man is a Muslim
It's possible in Pakistan for a Muslim man to marry a Christian, Jew, and Muslim woman but need to be noted that most of Pakistani mothers prefer having a Pakistani daughter in law and most Muslim mothers all around the world prefer having a Muslim daughter in law ( as we have explained above ). If you are not a Muslim just make sure the family doesn't have problem with you.
#13 - If you can’t pregnant then Pakistani man ( maybe ) is not for you
Having children in Pakistan is very important and it's the main purpose of marriage. If you want to marry a single Pakistani man ( he doesn't have children ) and can't give them a baby due to your health problem or your age ( already old ) then you should think about it thousand times.
If this man and his family insist to marry you and don't have problem if you can't give them children then you should be more cautious. Maybe they want something from you such as green card, after they get green card for their son, they can marry him to a fertile young woman. Polygamy in Pakistan is permissible.
#14 - If your Pakistani man is too dominant and he abuses you
"Bitch, whore, slut" or "benchood", have you heard your Pakistani man says these things to you? or maybe your Pakistani man is too over protective and he wants to control you?
If yes, then you should back off, and find another man. Pakistan is a man dominated society, many of them still think that "Man is over the women". Abusing the women is common practice among Pakistani men, but still there are Pakistani men who have respect to the women. So, if your Pakistani man doesn't have respect towards you, you should have respect to yourself and find a better man. If he abuses you right now before marrying you, after the wedding it will be huge chance he will do more, even domestic violence physically. Domestic violence in Pakistan is very high, according to a 2011 poll of experts by the Thomson Reuters Foundation Poll, around 70-90 % of Pakistani women suffer domestic violence, so you have to take this issue seriously.
Blocking all his contacts is the best way to get rid of this man. Pakistani man is like a "Yoyo", after you reject him, he will try to reach and pursue you like a crazy. They don't accept rejection and they are so persistent to get you back. Keep ignoring him and blocking him, and you will be fine. Otherwise, he will contact you again and say sweet things, and your heart will melt and come back to his trap. You will forget that this man is not good for you and not good for your future.
#15 - If your Pakistani man put himself as a victim and creates "drama"
Pakistan is a man country, most of the Pakistani parents will treat their sons like a king. These men used to get whatever they want and they are always right. They will not accept their mistake, and don't expect them to understand your feeling and do exactly what you want. Instead of admitting their fault, they will twist the scenario and make you as the villain and he is the victim, at this point you will feel bad for what you are and for what you do, although nothing wrong with you, and you do the right thing. If you think your are right, just assure your heart, keep moving on, and don't fall with his victim scenario.
Pakistani man also is known for being "a Drama King", if you have seen drama romantic films and your Pakistani man acts exactly like the actor in the movie, such as, crying; begging; selling love words, and saying want to suicide. Don't get involved with his drama scenario. It's just "drama" and nothing serious about it, so don't be a weak person and don't give what he wants without your logic thought.
#16 - If you are from developed countries especially USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Europe or Malaysia and Mexico you should beware!
Finding genuine intention of your Pakistani man to marry you is very important especially if you are a citizen or hold Permanent Resident of developed countries such as USA, Australia, Europe and many more. We have many cases already when Pakistani man and North Arab man used women to get visa or Permanent Resident.
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