#1 - Stop dreaming about your future before you learn Pakistani culture deeply
Besides your intention to marry or have a future with your Pakistani man. As foreigners, we always suggest learning about Pakistani culture as much as you can first and after that re-think it. Pakistani men are known for their caring personality and sweet words, so don’t fall in love with them easily without using your logic.
Pakistani culture is complex, and if you cannot accept and adjust it will be a big problem for you in the future. Especially if you cannot get along with your Pakistani man’s family and if you don’t want to live in Pakistan.
To find out more about Pakistani culture, you can read it here, and to read the inspirational stories of married ladies who have complex marriage problems so you can learn from them, you can read it here.
#2 - Relationships in Western style ( mostly ) don’t work
Don’t have an intimate relationship with a Pakistani man is a better way. Western relationships such as living together under the same roof, and having intimate relationships for many years, mostly do not work for a Pakistani man. Their culture is still conservative even 80% of Pakistanis get married by arranged marriage, around 60% of Pakistanis in Pakistan marry their cousins, and 80% of the Pakistani Community in the UK marry their Pakistani cousins by arranged marriage. There are many cases in our community too when the women lived together with their Pakistani boyfriends for many years but these boyfriends ended up marrying Pakistani women in Pakistan behind their backs.
Furthermore, a child born out of wedlock and pregnant outside the marriage are huge disgrace in Pakistan so what mostly happens these men will ask to abort the baby instead of marrying the pregnant woman. In our community, we have many cases like this, when the women were left by their Pakistani men when they got pregnant outside the marriage, and they asked them to abort the baby. If you are lucky, this man will marry you and cover up the pregnancy in front of his Pakistani family but this case is very rare unless this man wants something from you such as a visa or green card.
Having cybersex and giving private pictures and videos are also not a good option because there are many cases when men spread private videos and pictures of women on the internet and social media. These men can use your private picture and video to scam or blackmail you. As women, we should be more cautious about this.
#3 - Test him — Ask him to introduce you to his mother
If you think that you are so important to your Pakistani man because he introduces you to his friends and male cousins, then you are mistaken. When a Pakistani man has a serious relationship with you and he wants to marry you, he will introduce you to his Pakistani mother, and sisters. He will ask his mother’s permission and opinion to marry you.
When you marry a Pakistani man you don't only marry him but also marry his family because Pakistan has a joint family system so what the family says is important and they will interfere with your marriage life.
If this Pakistani man gives you many excuses when you ask him to introduce you to his mother, then he is not serious at all to you, he also may have a fiance or wife in Pakistan. Don't take too long to ask him about this, because boyfriend and girlfriend relationship is not Pakistani culture. So if you have a relationship with a Pakistani man you should think conservatively, especially if you are falling in love with this man. Ask him to introduce you to his mother and immediate family members and don’t wait too long for “a perfect time” to ask about this matter because the perfect time is “as fast as possible”.
#4 - If he says that my family knows about you, don’t trust him easily
The only way to know that his family knows about you is by making his family talk to you in person or by video call. Make sure if you have the intention to marry your Pakistani man that his family knows about you as their future daughter-in-law. At this moment, you will not have casual and light conversations with them, they will ask you many serious things, especially about your family background and marriage.
#5 - Most of them love to exaggerate things, so always ask for the proof
They can say to you that he has an Australian passport but actually, he is a refugee/asylum seeker, he can say to you that he owns a business but actually, he is just a worker, he can tell you that he is single but he is married. Therefore, don't trust them blindly always ask for proof when they say something to you.
#6 - Don’t trust a group of Pakistani men easily
Pakistani male friends have a really strong bond, they are willing to back up each other although these people have to lie to cover their Pakistani mate. Finding a sincere Pakistani man to you in this male group is not an easy thing. Don't trust easily if one of your Pakistani man's friends gives testimony to you to back up this man's story to make you trust your Pakistani man. If these friends have conflict, then they can open all of the secrets but if they are fine then they will back up each other.
Don't get too close to your Pakistani man's friends too because it's not a Pakistani culture, a good woman will hang out with women not a group of men.
#7 - Make sure your Pakistani man is truly single
Many Pakistani men lie about their status to get men pleasure ( sex ) or visas, so don't trust them easily when they say to you he is single but he is already mature ( around 25 to over 30 ).
We have to say to you that it’s difficult to investigate your Pakistani man in Pakistan, especially if you don’t have contact with his family, and if the intention of this Pakistani man to marry you is to get a Visa / Permanent Resident of a developed country.
If the intention is to get a visa, these people are willing to do anything, all the family members even can lie to you too to cover up their son's background as long as he can marry you and get the visa.
Furthermore, many marriages in Pakistan are only under religious law so the government doesn't have the marriage record. Therefore this man can show you his ID card or government letter which says that he is single but actually, he is married. The best way to find out is by observing your Pakistani man longer, asking him to introduce you to his family, and not putting your emotional feelings on him no matter how sweet he is to you so your brain can work properly.
If he is beyond 30 and from a small city or village he is probably 90% married in Pakistan. If he lives in a big city like Islamabad, Karachi, or Lahore then he can be single, but mostly already engaged.
If he says to you he is divorced then ask for the divorce paper. If he never introduced you to his mother and father, it means he doesn’t have the intention to marry you. If he asks you to marry him without introducing you to his parents, it means you will end up as a secret wife. Maybe he wants to use you only for man’s pleasure, visa, or money.
Having an intimate relationship and no matter how many times this man says that he loves you it doesn't mean he will marry you genuinely. He can use you only for man's pleasure or only for a visa, be careful!
#8 - Don't open all of your secrets, your family's secrets, and your sins to them
If your mother lives together with his boyfriend and they are not married, keep this to your own. If you love partying all the time and have slept with many men, keep this to your own. Your sins and secrets can be used by them as their weapon. When you have a fight or issue with them mostly they will mock and humiliate you by using all your sins.
If you think what you did is not suit for Pakistani culture then keep it to yourself, if you have inappropriate pictures that are not suit for Pakistani culture then hide those pictures and keep them for yourself. There are some things that you can share with your Pakistani man and his family but there are other things that you don't have to share with them, be smart for your good in the future!
#9 - If you are a single mother or a widow and older than him, you should re-think again and again!
A single mother, a mature woman (older than him), and a young woman with self-esteem issues are the perfect target. Most Pakistani men with “special” intentions, will chase for this criteria because it’s the easiest target for them to get.
Read more about widow/divorced status in Pakistan here.
#10 - If your Pakistani man is engaged or her mother has arranged his marriage then you should move on
Breaking the engagement in Pakistan and India is not as simple as you think. Engagement is a very serious thing, especially for the women's reputation. The women can lose their good reputation if their finances break the engagement.
There is a possibility to break the engagement but it should come from two families, so it doesn't mean the family will break the engagement only because their son wants to marry you or because you beg them to break the engagement. If you insist on marrying your Pakistani man although this man is engaged, then you may end up in a polygamous marriage because most of the time this man will marry his fiance.
#11 - If your Pakistani mother doesn’t like you, be ready for more drama
Most Pakistani mothers prefer having a Pakistani daughter-in-law because Pakistani people are people in the box, they don't want to get out of their comfort box to face something different, less adjustment is better for them to make the marriage work, and to make the family system work well. Besides that, most Muslim mothers around the world prefer having a Muslim daughter in law, it's because the role of a mother in raising the children is very significant in Islam. In Islam the parents have a responsibility to encourage their children to be good Muslims, therefore, having pious Muslim children and grandchildren is very important for Muslim families as it can be their ticket to heaven. So, if you are not a Pakistani and not a Muslim too, getting blessings from the family is not gonna be easy if this family has genuine intentions for you ( not for money, visa, or green card matter ).
The blessing of a Pakistani mother is necessary, if she doesn’t like you and doesn’t bless your relationship better you find another man. Never think to do run marriage. Pakistani system is about family, the family will interfere with the marriage life and most Pakistani men attach to their mothers so mostly they will listen to what their mothers say. Make sure all of his family members especially the mother and female family members can accept you completely otherwise,e they can make your life hard and full of drama.
#12 - If you are not a Muslim and your Pakistani man is a Muslim
It's possible in Pakistan for a Muslim man to marry a Christian, Jew, and Muslim woman but needs to be noted that most Pakistani mothers prefer having a Pakistani daughter in law and most Muslim mothers all around the world prefer having a Muslim daughter-in law ( as we have explained above ). If you are not a Muslim just make sure the family doesn't have a problem with you.
#13 - If you can’t pregnant then a Pakistani man ( maybe ) is not for you
Having children in Pakistan is very important and it's the main purpose of marriage. If you want to marry a single Pakistani man ( he doesn't have children ) and can't give them a baby due to your health problem or your age ( already old ) then you should think about it a thousand times.
If this man and his family insist on marrying you and don't have a problem if you can't give them children then you should be more cautious. Maybe they want something from you such as a green card, after they get a green card for their son, they can marry him to a fertile young woman. Polygamy in Pakistan is permissible.
#14 - If your Pakistani man is too dominant and abuses you
"Bitch, whore, slut" or "benchood", have you heard your Pakistani man says these things to you? or maybe your Pakistani man is too overprotective and he wants to control you?
If yes, then you should back off, and find another man. Pakistan is a man-dominated society, many of them still think that "Man is over women". Abusing women is a common practice among Pakistani men, but still, some Pakistani men have respect for women. So, if your Pakistani man doesn't have respect for you, you should have respect for yourself and find a better man. If he abuses you right now before marrying you, after the wedding, there will be a huge chance he will do more, even domestic violence physically. Domestic violence in Pakistan is very high, according to a 2011 poll of experts by the Thomson Reuters Foundation Poll, around 70-90 % of Pakistani women suffer domestic violence, so you have to take this issue seriously.
Blocking all his contacts is the best way to get rid of this man. A Pakistani man is like a "Yoyo", after you reject him, he will try to reach and pursue you like crazy. They don't accept rejection and they are so persistent to get you back. Keep ignoring him and blocking him, and you will be fine. Otherwise, he will contact you again and say sweet things, and your heart will melt and come back to his trap. You will forget that this man is not good for you and not good for your future.
#15 - If your Pakistani man puts himself as a victim and creates "drama"
Pakistan is a male-dominated country, most of the Pakistani parents will treat their sons like a king. These men get used to getting whatever they want and they are always right. They will not accept their mistake and don't expect them to understand your feelings and do exactly what you want. Instead of admitting their fault, they will twist the scenario and make you the villain and he is the victim, at this point, you will feel bad for what you are and for what you do, although nothing is wrong with you, and you do the right thing. If you think you are right, just assure your heart, keep moving on, and don't fall into his victim scenario.
Pakistani man also is known for being "Drama King", if you have seen drama romantic films and your Pakistani man acts exactly like the actor in the movie, such as crying; begging; selling love words, and saying wants to suicide. Don't get involved with his drama scenario. It's just "drama" and nothing serious about it, so don't be a weak person and don't give what he wants without your logical thought.
#16 - If you are from developed countries, especially the USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Europe, Malaysia, and Mexico you should beware!
Finding the genuine intention of your Pakistani man to marry you is very important especially if you are a citizen or hold Permanent Resident in developed countries such as the USA, Australia, Europe, and many more. We have many cases already when Pakistani men and North Arab men used women to get visas or Permanent Resident.
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